Friday, November 09, 2007

New: The Saturday Snark!

The Knittiot is here to entertain you. Without readers to enjoy my blogging, I might as well be Standing on a chair in my front yard shouting random words out of the dictionary. Which is great for Wednesday afternoons, but what about the rest of the week?

As much as I enjoy writing, doing it for an audience of even two or three is hard. A lot of the time I don't blog because I don't think I'm doing anything remotely funny or entertaining. There's a lot of knitting blogs out there, being written by people who are better writers, knitters, and spinners than I. So to take the pressure off, and to keep chuckin' comedy gold at you, I'm introducing Snarky Saturday. Every Saturday, you can stop by the blog and find fugly patterns and possibly fuglier yarns to point and laugh at. Others might have more exciting projects, or nicer handspun, but no one's better at being a jackass than I. Join me, won't you?

You know, this used to be a perfectly good bath mat. Now it's a Fluffy Fair Isle horror being modeled by the scariest nanny ever. You just try slinging your applesauce at her; the Super Absorbancy of her cardigan makes her virtually invincible. Now eat your vegetables!

Next slide, please:

I am pretty sure that this is the fugliest yarn in the world. It's freaking ghastly. Black Fun Fur is bad enough, no matter how you tart it up, it's still reminiscent of pubes. As if that wasn't enough, someone at Lion Brand said, "Black Fun Fur you say? Let's add some weird white and tan bobbles to it and call it Fancy Fur!" And someone else heard them and said, "Yes, let's do that!"

Let me read the ball band for you, in case the photo's a little blurry: "A fun fur yarn, bursting with kernels of color." Excuse me, I'm not sure I want my yarn bursting with kernels of anything. If it did, I would probably throw a pyrex bowl over it and wait for my boyfriend to come home and kill it.

This is fugly yarn. And it came from my stash. Yup, that's my fugly yarn. I've got three freaking balls of the stuff, and I don't even know how it got in there. I know I didn't buy it; I just looked in the stash one day and there it was. I'm afraid to give it away (like I could), because I'm sure I would get up the next morning, check the stash...and it would still be in there. It's the Amityville Horror of yarns.

So, to review: Blogging is hard, Saturdays are for snark, if you have to wear a fugly sweater then pose like a gangsta, I have the fugliest yarn in the world, which may or may not be haunted.

There. I think we've done some good work today. Tomorrow morning, I'll be officially opening the fugly yarn contest. You send me pictures of what's hiding in the bottom of your stash. Entries will be judged by myself and a panel of experts (my boyfriend and my dog), and winners will be determined. Prizes will be awarded. Yarny prizes. Not fugly yarn.

No comments: